Herbietown - Victoria Wants Me To Look at Her Secret

Victoria Wants Me To Look at Her Secret

I’d really like people to submit comments on this post.

I have an important question: When a man walks past a Victoria’s Secret, what exactly is he supposed to do with his eyes?

I’m serious. I’d like to know.

I walk past one every day. It’s directly across the street from my office. The window displays are, frankly, eye-catching.

What is the proper thing to do with my eyes?

There are only a few possible moves.

Pretend You Don’t See It
This is my go-to move. Most guys do this. In fact, most guys will cross the street to avoid having to walk by a Victoria’s Secret.

The problem with this move is that I’m not a Puritan. I hate Puritans. Why should I have to avoid an entire city block just so that the nerve cells in my eyes don’t send some electrical signals to my brain? It reminds me of something that the FBI agent in Boardwalk Empire would do, right before going back to his hotel to whip himself.

Glance Nonchalantly
You give a casual glance, and then you casually look away. This one is very difficult to pull off. You either look away too quickly (for fear of being caught) or you linger too long (for fear of being seen as looking away too quickly). I don’t think this one is realistic.

Openly Admire
This one takes guts. The perv-factor is very high. But ask yourself this: would the Old Spice Man look away? Would Jacob Palmer from Crazy, Stupid Love look away?

I think you know the answer.

Point Out a Flaw
This one only works if you’re with another person. My wife claims I am an expert. “Look how bony her stomach is.” “Why is she wearing so much make-up?” I’m not aware of ever doing this intentionally. Though I can see how that would buy my eyes some free examination time.

Men: what is your strategy?

Women: is it awkward for you, too?