Herbietown - Mocking The South

Mocking The South

The response to yesterday’s post surprised me.  I wrote about house-hunting in Atlanta.  I made sweeping generalizations about the types of people that live in the different neighborhoods we are looking at, and said that I wanted my kids to grow up with open minds.  It was supposed to be ironic and funny.

But some of you dear readers commented or sent me private messages that you were offended by my post, that I should have a more open mind, that I shouldn’t mock the South.

Here’s a comment from Facebook:

“Wow, generalize much. I’m quite surprised by your post. in the real world, you know-outside of Ct, there are Republicans, and people who own guns, people who enjoy monster trucks and swamp buggies, even some who own them. There are people who live and die with their sports teams, but what you will find out is they really might not be that different from you if you allow your self to be open to knowing them. There is something we can learn from everyone and your kids will learn that too. I know you know this, maybe just needed a reminder.”

I’m sorry, but you’ve missed the point entirely.  I’ve earned the right to make fun of the South.  And I’ve earned it the hard way, by marrying a Southerner.  If I have to put up with her southern drawl and her mother’s passion for college football, I get to say whatever I want.  Like a Jewish comedian making Jew jokes, I can’t be called out for making Southern jokes.  How dare you try to take that away from me!

There’s nothing better than hanging out with my in-laws and putting on my Forrest Gump voice and pretending to be dumb and slow.  Hell, I married a girl from Georgia precisely so I could mock my mother-in-law with Southern jokes.  She loves it!  And furthermore, now that I’m actually moving to the South, and am going to live here, and am going to raise children here, I have FULL CREATIVE LICENSE to say whatever I want.

“Allow yourself to be open to knowing them” is my favorite phrase from that Facebook comment.  As if marrying into a Southern family isn’t proof enough of my commitment to know true Southerners.  Unbelievable.  I know them alright.  I know them well.  And I get to make fun of them whenever I want, however I want, and to whomever I want.  Y’all hear?

If you want to own a swamp buggie, you deserve to be ridiculed.  I don’t even know what a swamp buggie is.  But surely it’s a redneck device used for passing the time until the next college football game.  And so I will mock it.

If you want to live and die with your sports team, even though you didn’t go to that college, that’s your right.  But when you buy flags for your front yard with the logo of a state university on it, that you didn’t even go to, you will be mocked.   And I’ll be the one doing the mocking.

If you actually have a store which gives away free guns just for voting, well, that’s your right.  But I’m going to call you out for being totally ridiculous.

It’s not like you don’t ask for it.  Check out this pic that’s been circulating on Facebook.

...because nobody can afford it!

So buckle up, rednecks.  This Yankee is coming to town.  I’ll eat your cheese grits and watch your college football and let my kids play monster trucks and go to the Varsity and order Coke.  In return I get to say whatever I want on this blog.

It’s not like I’m not equal opportunity.  I make fun of people from Connecticut too.