Bed Bugs

My friends have bed bugs.

It is a horrifying experience.

They packed a couple bags and moved out of their apartment. They lost practically all of their possessions- beds, furniture, clothing. Their nanny quit. They spent $400 disinfecting their car. They bought a new stroller.

Their parent’s house in the suburbs is infected.

This shit is Old Testament.

I’m not talking about eating fruit in the garden, or singing love ballads, or endless entries on who begat whom. I’m talking about floods and human sacrifice. I’m talking about the God that turned gays into salt shakers.

God is ANGRY.

My wife wants to invite them out to our house, to help them relax and recuperate.

FUCK NO.

They were our best friends, honey. That was in the past.

Now they’re lepers. They should have to wear bells around their necks when they go outside.

They’re dead to us.

I know it’s hard. But it’s necessary.

Try to forget what their faces looked like.

  • Eleni Herbert

    Your wife wants to invite them to your house because she has a big heart.  You should listen to Greta.

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  • http://twitter.com/CankleFish Curt Bizovi

    They should be forced to wear the Scarlet ‘B’, so others can readily identify them against their transgressions.