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I’m Not Like You People

I’m not like you people. Ok? I’m better.

I have taste.

And when I plan my vacations, I try to do something worth doing.

I’m not looking for the most expensive resort. Unlike you, I don’t measure my self-worth based on the amount of marble in the lobby.

If this is the most beautiful pool you’ve ever seen, then I’m talking about you.

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This is the Ritz Carlton in Puerto Rico. What do lions have to do with Puerto Rico? Nothing. It’s a cartoon version of a rich person’s house – what a little kid visualizes when you ask him to imagine a billionaire’s pool. I’m surprised there aren’t gold coins strewn about everywhere.

With so much natural beauty in the world, why would I want to spend my precious vacation time in a concrete jungle?

This is the kind of opulence that people from New Jersey are trying to conjure when they erect those ridiculous lion statues at the end of their driveways.

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Can’t you people do any better than that?

I want to rent a car and drive around an island. I want to discover beautiful beaches and listen to the waves. I want to meet the people who live there, to try their food and their drink, to have an authentic experience. I want to open my eyes to something entirely new.

The whole point is to get away from you people. We booked our tickets. We’re going to St. John for a few days in February.

Can you people go to Killington this year and leave us alone?

  • Kinnis Pledger

    I am assuming this is some inside joke to someone and that you are trying to be a giant ass to one person, and not to all of us as you make wildly over the top the assumptions about how we spend our vacation time for some shock value that will drive up your site stats.  While you began in some pathetic attempt to differentiate yourself from the materialistic masses you so despise, by the end, it is so clear that what you really just hate yourself for being one of them.  This post is riddled with inconsistencies.  What exactly is an “an authentic experience” in St. John?  Your version of authenticity?  The middle aged couple from Connecticut, who gets a mid sized rental car, stays in  accommodations a little less opulent than the referenced picture, but not so low as to offend your upper middle class sensibilities, and then uses any number of your apple products to google “out of the way beaches” that “tourists” don’t go to in a failed attempt to connect to the wistful freedom of your untethered early twenties.  You are yuppie 3.0 and I fail to see much difference between the “authentic experience” you yearn for and the cartoon version you rail against.  You are full of shit and you know it.  You are writing about your vacation options and your noble and authentic decision to spend 2,000 dollars vs 5,000 dollars; while the overwhelming majority of authentic people don’t have this concern because, you know, a trip to Mohegan Sun is a vacation, if they can afford to take one at all.  

    If you are after an authentic experience, then I think you should roll into St. John, strut your white-land owning ass down the street and enslave the first black person you see then convert them to your “superior” way of thinking.  

    Posts like this are a sure fire way to ensure that your audience never grows beyond the .01% of the world who gives a flying fuck about where you go on vacation.  Furthermore, it undermines the good writing you actually do.  Stop wasting your talent on this type of shit.  You are better than this with all due respect.  

    My apologies Mrs. Herbietown.  You are kind and loving.  Your husband, however, possesses a capacity for assholery that astonishes even this certified asshole.  In the words of Mel Gibson, another giant asshole, I hope he gets raped by a pack of N’s while in St. John.  

    Sincerely, 

    Rudy     

     

     

  • Jimmy

    Really, “Rudy”?  You actually typed that and hit “post”? And you did so without committing suicide immediately thereafter?  Actually, maybe you did try to kill yourself.  Based upon the intelligence exhibited in this post, though, I’d hypothesize that you failed in said attempt.

    I could address the content of Mr. Herbietown’s post.  I could point out that he was obviously being facetious.  “I’m not like you people. Ok? I’m better.”  So, what, you took that literally?  Here’s a hint: this post was not meant to be taken literally.  Do you not think that he realizes he won’t be unveiling any previously undiscovered civilizations in St. Johns?  I could then point out that you are a fucking moron.  But all that gets in the way of my main point.

    Did you read your last sentence? The one where you told him to get raped by a pack of N’s.  It takes a lot to offend me.  A whole fucking lot.  I don’t give a fuck when Mel Gibson says it.  But when you say it to the author of this page, I have a problem.  A problem that should be solved by you getting your face broken.  Way to soften the blow by complimenting Mrs. Herbietown.  How do you think she liked your last paragraph?  Other members of his family? 

    Were you trying to be funny?  Were you trying to be insightful?  Wait, don’t answer that, because I don’t give a fuck what you were trying to do.  Just know you failed, and miserably so.  I’m surprised no one “liked” your response (This is called “sarcasm.” Means “sentence not literal.”).

    Maybe you were intoxicated when you wrote this post.  That would make sense. If I were you, I’d probably avoid facing my life whilst sober, as well.

    I don’t care what you think about me.  I don’t know you and don’t care to.  If I were you, I’d send a letter of apology to Mrs. Herbietown.  My post was “assholery.”  Your post was way out of line.