Category Archives: Damn my kids are lucky: Parenting

World Cup, You Suck

Here are 4 simple changes that will make soccer into a real sport.

Peepee on the Beach

“I have to go peepee, Daddy!” Those can be the 6 most annoying words in the English language, when said at the right time. It’s usually when you’re out at a restaurant and the food has just arrived. Or when you’re driving in the car and home is about 15 minutes away. Good parents are […]

Pirate’s Booty

“I’m hungy for beakfast, Daddy.” “Ok, buddy, what would you like?” “Pirate’s Booty, pease.” “Well, we don’t eat Pirate’s Booty for breakfast. How about some Cheerios?” “No! I’m ONLY hungy for Pirate’s Booty. I will NOT eat ANYthing else!” And so my day begins with a Pirate’s Booty inspired temper tantrum. Not that I blame […]

Infinity & Beyond!

“Daddy how many stars do you have?” Jack asked. “3,” I replied. “I have 9 zillion thousand infinity and beyonds!” Charlie rode his scooter next to Jack’s big wheel.  “And I have ten thousand!”  His eyes opened really wide like I had never heard a number that big. We were racing in circles around the cul-de-sac […]

The South After 10 Days

A lot of people have asked me for my general impression of living in the South so far. After 10 days, I can’t say that I have anything too exciting to report.  People are super nice and welcoming, the traffic isn’t as bad as I feared, and money goes a lot further. But there are […]

Dad Lays Down the Law

It was around 6pm, the witching hour for little kids.  They get tired, they don’t want to eat dinner, they don’t want to go to bed.  They get whiny and need attention.  Last night was a particularly brutal example of this.  Charlie was complaining about having to eat corn cake that Greta made (the little […]

Being a Parent SUCKS

Basically, parenting sucks.

It really does. Parenting is the worst thing imaginable.

You give up ALL your freedom. You give up ALL your money. You give up ALL your time. And you devote it to these little creatures that couldn’t be more unappreciative. And they’ll never really be appreciative of everything you do, not really.

Is My Beard My Mid-Life Crisis?

Is my beard my mid-life crisis?  Is this it? Or at least how it starts?  Like now that I’ve taken step one, I can just go off the handle, buy a chainsaw motorcycle, and start smoking joints that I buy from some teenage neighbor? Pre and post beard.  You can easily see the difference.


I am a big believer in having well-stocked stations located throughout the house. Each station serves a distinct purpose and anyone approaching the station is perfectly equipped to perform whatever task that station was designed for. Let me give you some examples. A bathroom. A person approaching a bathroom wants to go #1 or #2. […]

“Hello, World” – Samuel Ernest Herbert

He came 6 hours before the scheduled C-section.  My wife went into labor around midnight, so we got in the car and ran every traffic light between Wilton and Stamford Hospital. I pulled the car up at the maternity ward’s front entrance and just left it there with the keys in it.  We rushed inside […]

With 2 Days Left, Nesting Begins

The place will be ready.

Will I?

3 Days & We Still Have 3 Names

In 3 days, I will be a father. Again. The next little guy is scheduled for a c-section at 7:30am on Monday morning. Lots of people have been asking me how I feel about this. It’s been hard to give an honest answer. Until about 24 hours ago, the honest and true answer was


I took the boys to see some fireworks on the 4th of July, at Laurel Beach in Milford, just down the road from my Mom’s house. They were super excited to see all the colors exploding in the sky. But the noise was a little too much for them. It was loud. They both covered […]

How The Grinch Stole 6th Place in a 5k

I ran a 5k at Merwin Meadows in Wilton yesterday morning. It was a fundraiser for my kids’ preschool. Before the race, I went around making jokes with the other fathers and mothers about how embarrassing it would be if they beat me, and then showing them my sympathetic pregnant belly. I was hitting a […]

“Daddy, Daddy, I Had a Bad Dream!”

“Daddy, Daddy, I had a bad dream. I had a bad dream!” I opened my eyes. 4:19 AM. My wife shook me. “I got it, I got it. I’ll check on him.” I stumbled down the dark hallway and into his room. He was sitting up in bed, crying, clutching his blanket. “I had a […]

The Best Part of Saturday

Inappropriate Thoughts at Tee Ball

Jack had his first tee ball practice on Saturday. It was 40 degrees out. He wouldn’t take his baseball glove off all morning. He was excited to play baseball.

I didn’t know what to wear.

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Too Many TV’s at The Gym

I go to the gym to feel good. The goal is to get blood pumping through my body, to get my muscles moving, and to turn off my mind. I would prefer to run outside, in the forest, surrounded by chipmunks and butterflies. But it’s pitch black at 5am, and the forest doesn’t have a […]